They say that by the year 2050 the sea level will rise by twelve inches and we’ll have one million Marvel movies. Maybe not that many, but it feels that way. Once you’re part of something as huge as the Marvel universe, it’s hard for fans to see you as anything other than your character. That can be an awesome thing since it means that fans love you and are paying attention to you. Still, if you’re a fan it’s important to get to know the real people behind the masks. Here are some of the real-life Marvel women, as well as the famous characters they play. Wait until you see Nebula, she is a total stunner in real life!
Zoe Saldana as Gamora
I never thought I’d be attracted to character with green skin. Not again after my fling with the Grinch. I know it’s odd, but I like his little belly and rough attitude. He’s a total jerk, but I can change him! Enough about him though. The Grinch has nothing on Gamora. They may both have a little bit of an attitude, but that’s where the similarities end. Gamora is everything you’d want in a woman. As long as you’re OK with her being able to kick your arse.
For any of you ladies wanting to dress up as Gamora for Halloween, you may want to avoid doing “green face.” The world can be a sensitive place. You don’t know how woke aliens are. They might not take kindly to you appropriating their culture. Considering Gamora’s father is Thanos, that’s not someone you want to get angry.
Zoe Saldana Off Screen
Zoe Saldana has quietly turned herself into an action star over the years. Now if you want a woman to play a capable hero, you call Zoe Saldana. She’s got a believable ass-kicking quality, doesn’t she? There are other women who could match her beauty, but not her specific quality. Take someone like Blake Lively. Gorgeous, but do you see her doing a flying kick? No. Zoe Saldana, absolutely.
Sure, age is nothing but a number, but believe it or not, Zoe Saldana is 39 years old. If you told me she was 18 I’d believe you (until I checked out her IMDB credits. She’s been in the game). Whatever Zoe Saldana is doing, she needs to keep it up. It’s working. I’m 30 and look like Louis CK. By that I don’t mean that my arm is moving furiously up and down.
Brie Larson as Captain Marvel
Now that we’re getting a superhero movie every ten minutes it’s hard to keep track of what’s coming up. I’m sure we’ll soon have a new Spiderman or two, prompting a rousing cry of “who cares?” One hero whose news came out with a big bang was Brie Larson as Captain Marvel. Brie Larson isn’t who I would expect for Captain Marvel, but that’s not a bad thing. She’s a phenomenal actress without much of an action background, but once fans saw her in the suit, it all clicked.
I always thought the character of Captain Marvel was a little on the nose. You don’t see a Captain DC, or for alliteration sake, Detective DC. It seems like that should have been the first Marvel character or else just don’t create it. That’s just me being a grumpy old man though. This movie is going to slay.
Brie Larson Off Screen
Brie Larson is commendable for her acting and her outspokenness on social issues. When she introduced Casey Affleck at the Oscars she didn’t even clap due to his abuse allegations. That’s a bold move considering she was on camera at an award show where she’d be expected to clap. Whether you agree with her politics or not, you have to admit that standing by your guns like that on such a big stage is a courageous and bold move. I’m such a wuss I’d probably clap for Hitler.
Speaking of courageous and bold moves, have you seen The Room? I’m not talking about the Tommy Wiseau film. I’m talking about the Brie Larson movie where she’s stuck in a room with her son. I bet she wishes she had the Captain Marvel powers in that situation.
Jaimie Alexander as Lady Sif
Lady Sif is an Asgardian warrior and friend to Thor. Unfortunately she wasn’t in Thor: Ragnarok. The tagline to that movie was, “Thor: Ragnarok, we finally made a good one.” Lady Sif would have been awesome in Ragnarok, instead she’s stuck in the two worst Thor movies. I know what you’re thinking. “There are only three Thor movies.” Exactly. What other superhero franchise gets two warm-up movies before they make a good one?
The answer is Spiderman. And in that case it was two entire movie series before they got it right. Enough about Spiderman and my crotchety old man opinions though. Jamie Alexander ultimately wasn’t in Thor Ragnarok because she was on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. at the time. Plus, if she was in Asgard she’d have been killed. We don’t want that!
Jaimie Alexander Off Screen
Around the same time as her Lady Sif fame, Jaimie Alexander played the main character in Blindspot. That’s the show famous for being about a woman with mysterious tattoos all over her body. A bunch of male producers were sitting around thinking, “how can we make a show where showing a woman’s naked body is imperative to the plot?” After a few minutes of silence where people looked up the world “imperative,” someone pitched the idea for Blindspot.
I’d be the worst actor to cast in that role. The detectives would be looking at my body: “I think this may be a clue.” / “No. Those are just stretch marks. And that looks like a chocolate chip.” Then I’d peel the chocolate chip off my body and eat it. Doesn’t that sound like a show you’d like to watch?
Kate Mara as The Invisible Woman
Some of the most difficult things to do on Earth: Climb Mount Everest. Make a Fantastic Four film that fans don’t hate. Honestly, I think people have a better chance of climbing Mount Everest without any gear than they have of making a fan-pleasing Fantastic Four movie. That is of course not fault of the actors, especially Kate Mara who played a very interesting younger take on Sue Storm compared to Jessica Alba.
The Invisible Woman is an interesting character because you have to cast someone who believably wouldn’t use their powers for evil. If you looked at me and found out I could turn invisible, you’d be like, “that guy is going to do pervy things, isn’t he?” But thankfully that is not the case, but I would totally use my powers for pure evil.
Kate Mara Off Screen
I love Kate Mara. She’s like a cute little mouse. I mean that in the best way possible. If I meant it in a bad way, I’d say that she’s like a cute little rat. Despite the “cute,” a rat is still a rat. Her mousey-ness is perfect because she is often cast as someone innocent or precocious. It’s hard to be either of those things if you’re 6’5″. I’m sure it’s just hard to be a woman in general if you’re 6’5″.
It’s amazing how many long running series she’s been a part of. These 24, American Horror Story and House of cards. Those are MASSIVE shows. I’d love to see her residual checks. Those are the payments you receive after a show re-airs. I wish more jobs were like that. Imagine if a cook got a residual check if you took your food home in a to-go bag and ate more of it later.
Elizabeth Olsen as the Scarlet Witch
Honestly, it gets pretty hard for me to keep track of the Avengers movies. There are so many characters that I’m not even sure when some of them were introduced, or if they ever were. Characters just show up and are all of a sudden in the mix. There’s nothing wrong with that (other than the fact that characters get about two minutes of screen time each), but it does get confusing. I remember watching Age of Ultron thinking, “where did Scarlet Witch come from?” Or maybe it was another one of the Avengers movies.
I’m glad she’s part of the universe because the odd sexual chemistry between her and Vision is exactly the type of weirdness I crave. He obviously wants to hit that but he doesn’t know what to do about it. If that’s not a perfect mapping of puberty, then I don’t know what is.
Elizabeth Olsen Off Screen
If you were to have come up to me years ago and said that the Olsen twins’ younger sister would be a bigger star than Mary Kate and Ashley one day, I’d have slapped you. Then I would slap you again just for fun. If it turned out that the slapping was fun for you too, I’d keep slapping you, just because I’m a team player. While the OG Olsens have taken somewhat of a backseat to Hollywood stardom, Elizabeth as only risen.
If you’re in a Marvel/Disney movie, then you’ve pretty much made it. As great of a character as Michelle Tanner was, she’s no Avenger. Other than that she’s been all over the place. My favorite role of hers is in Ingrid Goes West, which is a fantastic movie starring Aubrey Plaza.
Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde
Kitty Pryde has one of the best scenes in one of the worst X-Men movies. It’s the third X-Men movie which took the franchise to some bizarre places, including killing two main characters within the first few minutes of the movie. Luckily it’s the first movie that features Juggernaut. It may not be the Juggernaut that fans are used to, but with the help of Kitty Pryde, he has the best scene.
Kitty Pryde users her powers to stick Juggernaut into the ground which prompts the best line in X-Men history: “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!” Then he bursts out of the ground and continues to do his Juggernauty things. The most terrifying thing about Kitty Pryde’s power is that if she’s not careful she can get stuck in a wall or accidentally phase inside of a wood chipper. Yikes.
Ellen Page Off Screen
Ellen Page deserves a lot of credit. She came out as lesbian in an industry that isn’t always kind to people coming out. Hollywood has this idea in its head that if men know that Ellen Page is a lesbian then she’ll no longer be a sex symbol. Can I just go on record to debunk that right now? Lesbian, straight, bi. It doesn’t matter. In a bikini, we’re all sex symbols. Except Borat.
Even if it cost her a few roles, her outspokenness has surely helped a lot of people who also want to come out. I wasn’t surprised by her coming out though. Just look at the character of Juno. That character may have gotten pregnant by a man, but give it a few years and I bet she raises that kid with a woman. Is that offensive? Maybe. Sound off in the comments.
Anna Paquin as Rogue
Rogue is a heartbreaking character. Think about it. Because of her powers she can never touch anyone without killing them. Sure, she can have gloves on, but touching someone with gloves on just feels creepy. Like you’re a serial killer or something. “Don’t want to get any pesky fingerprints anywhere!” When you can’t touch anyone, you’d just want to be alone for the rest of your life.
Since she can absorb people’s life energy that means she can steal their powers. That makes her an incredibly powerful character in the universe. If I were the X-Men’s leader I’d just have her seduce all the bad guys. Once she grabs the willy, it’s over. That might not work for someone like Apocalypse though. That dude doesn’t look like he’s a very sexual person. Dead sexy, but not very sexual.
Anna Paquin Off Screen
Anna Paquin has been a child actor even before her role as young Rogue in X-Men. Don’t let the grey streak in her hair fool you (it’s not real). I remember seeing her in one of her first movies, “Fly Away Home,” which is a movie about a little girl who helps geese learn how to fly by building a one-woman airplane and flying with them. It’s completely insane, and totally awesome because of that.
I don’t remember the specific details of the movie because it’s been so long since I’ve seen it, but I do remember watching it dozens of times. I distinctly remember liking it because of the absurdity of a little girl flying a mile up in the sky with some geese. Parenting was a lot more relaxed in the 1990s. You don’t see too many kids doing that these days.
Chloe Bennet as Quake
It’s amazing to think that we once lived in a time where we were starved for superhero content. Even back in the days of ‘Heroes’ people didn’t have enough. Now that’s totally changed. Everyone has a superhero show. I haven’t checked, but I bet Lifetime has a superhero show too. It’s most likely about a woman in an abusive relationship who gets superpowers from a scented candle. ‘Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D’ is a great superhero show to quench your superhero thirst.
One of the main characters is Quake. Quake has the ability to produce earthquakes. Sounds pretty useful to knock your opponents off the ground, until you suddenly spark a chain reaction of earthquakes that you can’t control. All of a sudden you’ve taken out all of Los Angeles. With great power comes great seismic activity.
Chloe Bennet Off Screen
Chloe Bennet’s main claim to fame is ‘Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’ but you may also recognize her from the show ‘Nashville,’ a show that will make you love country music. Early in her career she went by her true last name, “Wang,” but had trouble booking roles. Once she changed it to Bennet (her father’s first name), she started to book gigs. Many people called foul on that, but what can you do? Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.
It’s not Chloe Wang’s fault that agents aren’t supportive of Asian actors. If anything she snuck one by them and has proven a point. As an act of solidarity I will change my name from Childress to Wang. People can think that I’m Asian. I honestly can’t tell if that’s a helpful idea or not.
Jennifer Garner as Elektra
Elektra was one of Marvel’s modern early attempt at a superhero movie. I say modern, because there are some deep cuts of Marvel superhero movies, like the ’80s Punisher movie. Nobody knew what to do with superhero movies back in the 80s. It wasn’t until the 2000s that the genre came back. Elektra may seem like a weird choice, but this was back when they were too scared to try their bigger names in fear of ruining them. Obviously they are over that fear now. They’re throwing these movies at us like bread to ducks.
Elektra was a character from the Daredevil world and they were trying to ride the Ben Affleck Daredevil train. Unfortunately that train was more like one of those trains meant for kids. Slow and lame. Garner was a good choice for the character though, given her experience on ‘Alias’ as a butt-kicking spy.
Jennifer Garner Off Screen
Jennifer Garner’s cheek bone could cut glass. That’s a compliment, but for some reason it never sounds like one when I say it to women. Maybe it’s because I have a piece of glass with me when I say it, and I try to get them to cut the glass for real. Saying it out loud I realize how rude it is. Maybe next time I’ll just say, “nice cheek bones,” and then I’ll surprise them with the glass.
Jennifer Garner and her now-ex husband, Ben Affleck, split up recently. It was only after the split that Ben Affleck started to say problematic things in public. He needed her. She was his censor. WHo can Ben rely on now, Matt Damon? That guy can’t seem to keep it kosher either with his Weinstein comments. Come back, Jenn. You need to restore order.
Halle Berry as Storm
You can’t talk about Halle Berry as Storm without talking about the most controversial line in all of X-Men movie history. Some people love it. Most people hate it. Rumors are that Joss Whedon wrote this specific line. Let me paint the scene for you. Storm is fighting Toad on the Statue of Liberty. He’s hanging onto a pole by his tongue. Rogue conjures a storm and says, “Do you know what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lighting? The same thing that happens to everything else.” Then she zaps him.
The line harkens back to the golden age of action movies when heroes would throw out one-liners at every chance they could get. It’s not the best one-liner, but given that it’s the only one that Storm says, it fails to impress.
Halle Berry Off Screen
Halle Berry somehow looks like she’s still 22 years old despite being in her 50s, so I think she may be a real life superhero. I’ve heard that black don’t crack, but we’re talking about some inhuman levels of anti-aging from Halle Berry. She may have super powers, but do you know what happens to Halle Berry when she’s struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.
I’ve heard her as the punchline so many times, and not in a bad way. If you ever need to use a woman as an example of immeasurable beauty, it’s her name that comes up. “That sunset is Halle Berry beautiful.” She’s the only name you could probably pull off talking about with your significant other too. “I’ll stay faithful to you, honey, but if Halle Berry shows up you know I’m gonna handle my business.”
Evangeline Lilly as the Wasp
‘Ant Man and the Wasp’ will be coming out Summer of 2018, which is really going to propel Evangeline Lilly’s role in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Though she appeared in the first Ant Man movie, we’re finally going to be able to see her get in on some action in this one. Her suit gets wings and blasters, much to the chagrin of Ant Man and any MRA Marvel fans. “A woman gets a more powerful suit!? That’s so unrealistic!” I hope you can hear me rolling my eyes.
Wasp and Ant Man’s powers are terrifying. Sure, someone like Wolverine could tear me apart with his claws, but Ant Man and Wasp can walk into my pee hole if they wanted. I don’t know why my mind immediately goes there. It just seems like the scariest place.
Evangeline Lilly Off Screen
For ‘Lost’ fans, Evangeline Lilly will always be Kate. My lost buddies and I can’t help but yell “we have to go back!” whenever we see her on screen. If you’re a ‘Lost’ fan then you get it. It’s not a bad thing either. Just imagine a cross over where all the Marvel superheroes enter the island from ‘Lost.’ I want to see Hulk versus the smoke monster. Scratch that. I want to see Hulk versus John Locke. Now that would be a battle.
Before Evangeline Lilly got her big break she had played a corpse on TV. That just goes to show you that your career is never dying, even if your character is. It must be great to direct an actor for a scene like that. “Ok, now a little bit more dead. That’s perfect. Your motivation is that you’re dead.”
Famke Janssen as Jean Grey/Phoenix
Jean Grey would make the world’s most difficult girlfriend. You could never lie to her for one thing. She’d just read your mind. Women already have a natural intuition. Believe me, they know when you’re lying. Jean Grey’s psychic abilities take it to a whole other level. “Do I look fat in this?” / “Girl, why do you even ask?” She’d tell you that she’d never use her powers on you, but you just can’t trust that. Keep the dark thoughts away.
There’s alo the fact that she becomes the Phoenix, a psycho god-like creature. Men and women both have their moments of being crazy, unfortunately women also have to deal with getting their period as well. I can’t imagine how men would deal with being flooded with hormones, but that’s a different topic. Now compound all of that crazy with being possessed by the Phoenix. You couldn’t win a single argument.
Famke Janssen Off Screen
I first became familiar with Famke Janssen when she played in the horror movie, ‘The Faculty’ starring Josh Hartnett. My sister saw that movie 12 times in theaters because of Josh Hartnett. I went with her every time because of Famke Janssen. She played a bitchy teacher who gives the students a hard time, but once the alien slugs infect her brain she tries to seduce Josh Hartnett (so that she can infect him as well). All I remember thinking is, “bro, just do it. It’ll be worth it.”
When she was cast as Jean Grey a couple of years after that, I was very excited. I’d always seen myself as a Wolverine-type, so her playing Jean Grey would work well into my fantasy. I’ll do you a favor and won’t go any further into the specifics of my fantasies.
Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow
The Black Widow is one of the most bad ass Avengers. Can she turn into a giant green monster capable of destroying a building with her bare hands? No. Does she have super serum genes that give her incredible strength? No. Does she have a robotic suit that somehow gives her god-like superpowers like Iron Man? No. She has no superpowers, and no special armor, yet she still fights all the supervillains just like everyone else. You might argue that Hawkeye is similar, but he at least has a bow and arrow.
She’s also cunning. Look at the first Avengers movie. She even fools Loki, the god of mischief, into telling her his plan. She’s so cunning that she might ask you, “what do you want to eat?” and you can’t be sure if she’s laying some trap for you.
Scarlett Johansson Off Screen
Scarlett Johansson, or Scarjo as she’s affectionately called, is the epitome of sexy. If that intimidates you, don’t fret. She’s dating SNL Weekend Update co-host, Colin Jost, so anything is possible. All you have to do is be so funny that you have your own TV show. That’s the secret to getting women. Just get a TV show and be really funny. If you can’t do those two things, then aim down.
One of Scarlett Johansson’s most prestigious performances is in ‘Lost in Translation’ opposite Bill Murray. Here’s a fun game to play with that movie. At the very end there’s a scene between Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray’s characters where they embrace and Bill Murray says something inaudible to her. Get some friends together and loop that scene over and over and replace the dialogue with whatever you want.
Cobie Smulders as Maria Hill
Maria Hill is one of the many non-superpowered characters in the Marvel Universe. Although they don’t make the best action figures, those characters are very necessary. If it was all superheroes then things would get too crazy, especially at SHIELD headquarters. That and we need characters who can die. Try killing off the Hulk and fans will tear you apart. Kill SHIELD Guard #2 and suddenly we’re all heartbroken and rooting for our heroes. Don’t you dare kill off Maria Hill though. We like her!
Maria Hill is a major component of S.H.I.E.L.D. She was former Deputy Director and commander of the organization. The Avengers and Nick Fury basically call her for every big battle because she’s a cool-headed badass. She’s not a woman you can shake. Hell ,if you have the respect of Nick Fury, you must be good.
Cobie Smulders Off Screen
Cobie Smulders is an excellent name. The name Cobie on a woman is masculine and sexy all at the same time, and the fiery evocation of Smulders is immediately intriguing to the senses. It’s like if a woman’s name was Arnold Firecrotch. Actually, I take that back. Something doesn’t sound right about that. Butch Thirddegreeburns? No, that’s even worse. Maybe there is no better name than Cobie Smulders.
From 2005-2014 Cobie Smulders played Robin Scherbatsky on ‘How I Met Your Mother,’ which is where many fans fell in love with her. Not me. I fell in love with her while watching the Dwayne the Rock Johnson movie, ‘Walking Tall’ where she played the role of “exotic beauty.” You don’t remember that role? She was excellent in it. She played both the part of exotic and beauty perfectly.
Zoe Kravitz as Angel Salvadore
‘X-Men: First Class’ gave us an early taste at a young X-Men movie. Spoilers, but too bad most of the First Class die in that movie, so if you liked them… too bad! Angel Salvadore, played by Zoe Kravitz, was a mutant who went from stripper to X-Men all in one night after being recruited by Professor X and Magneto. You really never know where a job will take you, do you?
Angel Salvadore hs a cool power that she can keep hidden when she wants. She has wings on her back that look like tattoos until she’s ready to unleash them. Isn’t that a bit weird that the human body would develop a mutation that looked like an artificial, man-made creation like a tattoo? The body wouldn’t naturally know what a tattoo is, would it? That’s where I stop suspending my disbelief.
Zoe Kravitz Off Screen
Kravitz… why does that name sound familiar? Maybe you’ve heard of world famous guitarist and musician, Lenny Kravitz? That’s her father. If you don’t know him for his music (which is like, whaaat?) then you may remember his man parts coming out of his jeans during a concert a few years ago. It was a BIG news story, if you know what I mean. I’m usually pretty annoyed by nepotism in the entertainment industry, but Zoe Kravitz kills it every time she’s on screen, so she gets a pass.
If you haven’t seen some of her other work, I’d suggest checking it out. She’s fantastic in ‘Big Little Lies,’ and in that show she’s acting opposite Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, and Laura Dern to name a few. If you can look good while acting alongside them, then you’ve got it.
January Jones as Emma Frost
Emma Frost is an evil mutant who appeared in the movie ‘X-Men: First Class’ as part of the Hellfire Club and later joins Magneto’s Brotherhood of Mutants. Seems like a lack of inclusion to me. Shouldn’t be be the Brotherhood and Sisterhood of Mutants? Or is that too woke for Magneto? If anyone should be extra woke it should be Magneto, right? Isn’t that what he’s fighting for?
She has psychic powers and can also turn her skin into diamond. What do you get for the woman who has everything? Seriously, it must be hard to shop for her on anniversaries. Even worse during the proposal. “Honey, I didn’t get you a ring because your skin is literally diamond.” Then she’d use her psychic powers to find out that you actually didn’t get her a ring because you’re broke.
January Jones Off Screen
January Jones is on one of my favorite shows of all time, ‘Last Man on Earth.’ If you haven’t checked it out, you need to immediately. If you’re a Will Forte fan (SNL, McGruber), then I’m confused why you haven’t seen it yet. He’s the star and he’s as wonderful in it as all his other work. She starts out the series as simply a beautiful woman for the main character (the last man on Earth.. Sort of) to fawn over, but as the series goes on she really gets to show off her comedy chops.
I’ve never seen ‘Mad Men,’ so I don’t know how much comedy she performs on that show, but I can’t imagine it’s on the level of ‘Last Man on Earth.’ Hollywood loves sexy, funny ladies. Here’s the trick though. Being funny IS sexy.
Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts
Pepper Potts was originally Tony Stark’s personal assistant, but later went on to be the Chief Executive Officer of Stark Enterprises. Talk about sleeping your way to the top. I’m just kidding. The only reason Tony Stark even became attracted to her is because she’s incredibly capable. Hell, Tony Stark can get any bimbo he wants, but if you’re going to be marriage material, you better be extra special.
The messed up thing is that the only reason Tony Stark proposed to her in the movie is because Spiderman decided he didn’t want to announce he’d be joining the Avengers. Tony Stark had to scramble a plan together since he’d put together a big press conference for the announcement. What does he do? Proposes. It’s kind of genius, but it only worked because Pepper Potts is awesome.
Gwyneth Paltrow Off Screen
Gwyneth Paltrow can play all kinds of roles. She’s been in drama, action, and comedy. Her best comedic performance being in the classic, ‘Shallow Hal,’ where she plays a fat person. Some people find the movie to be problematic, but I think it’s hilarious. In some scenes she’s in a fat suit, but for the most part it’s just normal-sized Gwyneth pretending she’s huge.
My favorite fact about Gwyneth Paltrow is that she owns a magazine called ‘Goop.’ It’s a lifestyle magazine that gives out crazy advice like putting in magical dragon egg stones in your you-know-what, or using gasoline as an exfoliant. Ok, I don’t know about the second on, but it’s stuff like that. Most of it will probably kill your or make you sick, but people still believe it. We all just want to live the Paltrow lifestyle.
Laura Haddock as Meredith Quill
Meredith Quill isn’t the biggest character in the Marvel universe by far, but if you start to tally up her actions, then you realize she’s done some pretty important things. For one, she’s the mother of Peter Quill, also known as Starlord. Without her, there would be no Starlord, which in turn means no Guardians of the Galaxy. Shout out to the moms. There’s no harder, or more important job. Seriously. There would be no humans without them.
Secondly, she was able to seduce a god into falling in love with her. You have to be some kind of special woman for Ego, a spiritual being of immense power, to find you after eons of travel and think, “this is the girl for me.” That’s more romantic than Romeo and Juliet. It’s just as tragic, considering both of them ultimately die alone and without each other, but much more romantic.
Laura Haddock Off Screen
Laura Haddock is a young, yet very accomplished TV actress. In the little more than ten years she’s been acting she’s amassed a ton of TV credits, ultimately landing a role in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I don’t see the character of Meredith Quill coming back all that often in the movies though, but it’s still cool. ‘Infinity War’ has enough characters as it is anyway. We don’t need to sacrifice 30 seconds of the Hulk just to see Meredith Quill die again.
Along with being in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, she was also in ‘Transformers: The Last Knight.’ That’s two huge franchises to be a part of. I’ve heard of actors playing two roles in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (Captain America/Human Torch for example or Killmonger/Human Torch), but two franchises means you’re on fire.
Rachel McAdams as Christine Palmer
All I kept saying to myself while watching ‘Doctor Strange’ was, “don’t end up with the doctor. Don’t end up with the doctor. Don’t end up with the doctor.” Sorry, but Christine Palmer is too good for Doctor Strange. That’s an odd thing to say about a guy who can conjure space and distort time, but it’s true. Unfortunately I couldn’t blame her for succumbing to his charms. It’s Benedict Cumberbatch we’re talking about.
If you ever meet a woman like Christine Palmer in real life, just assume that she is always right. In fact, assume that of most women. If you’re a woman yourself, then you’re going to have a hard time with that one. If you’re in an argument with another woman, it’s quite possible that both of you are right. That’s just how it works.
Rachel McAdams Off Screen
Can anyone even think about Rachel McAdams without thinking about the classic romantic comedy starring her? Of course, I’m talking about the movie ‘Red Eye.’ What? That wasn’t a romantic comedy? I only saw the first twenty minutes so I could be wrong. What movie you may have been thinking of is ‘The Notebook.’ That movie was an instant classic. It helps that it was based off a hit book, but we all know that’s no guarantee of film success.
Most recently she appeared in ‘Game Night’ alongside Jason Bateman, proving once again she has great comedy skills. Her biggest comedic role would have to be in ‘Red Eye.’ What? That’s not a comedy either? I really need to watch the whole thing. ‘Mean Girls’ was her biggest comedic role, and a modern day classic.
Katrina Durden as Blonde Zealot
The Zealots were part of the bad guy team in ‘Doctor Strange.’ They were the evil counterpart to the organization Doctor Strange became a part of, the Masters of the Mystic Arts. I guess you can pretty much tell they are evil by the fact that they’re called zealots. I’ve never once met a good zealot. They’re all evil.
The blonde zealot is… blonde. That’s about all I can say for her. That and she’s got weird eyes, but all the zealots have weird eyes. Once you have your hair color in front of your title, your role may not be the most crucial. In fact, you’re probably going to die if it’s an action movie. Better a hair color than a negative quality. “Um, director, why is my character called ‘hideous zealot’?” / “Oh, because you’re hideous.”
Katrina Durden Off Screen
Katrina hasn’t been in a lot in her young career, but what she has been in shows off her skill set which is ass-kicking action. Obviously her role as Blonde Zealot had her taking on Doctor Strange and the Master of the Mystic Arts, so that required tons of action, but she has also been in ‘Street Fighter: Resurrection,’ a big web series about the popular video game Street Fighter. As a huge fan of Street Fighter, I have to give props to anyone who is part of that universe.
She could just as easily play the typical love interest or leading lady roles that women as beautiful as her can play, but she’s an action girl. She’s even been a stunt coordinator on quite a few projects. Keep an eye out for her on the big screen.
Karen Gillan as Nebula
Nebula is mostly machine, and all the other parts of her are alien like Gamora, yet I’m the most attracted to her out of all the cast of Guardians of the Galaxy. Maybe it’s that I like wounded women with daddy issues. Nobody has more daddy issues than Nebula. Even Gamora’s issue pale in comparison. At least Gamora still has most of her natural body parts. Thanks to their father, Thanos, the two of them fought it out for most of their lives.
I’m glad they kept her around as a villain/friend instead of killing her off. She’s an interesting villain because you can sort of see her point. She’s like Loki in that she lives by her own code instead of prescribing to being a good guy or bad guy. A truly independent woman.
Karen Gillan Off Screen
I’m sure all the Doctor Who fans out there know Karen Gillan very well. She play the character of Amy Pond in the Doctor Who series. One thing about Doctor Who fans is if you really want to upset them, call the main character “Doctor Who.” They will flip. “He’s not Doctor Who. He is THE DOCTOR!” I’m the same way with anything Star Wars, so I can’t really say much.
For American audiences, Karen Gillan broke out in the show ‘Selfie’ alongside Jonathan Cho. You’d never know she was Irish from that and her most recent work on ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ and ‘Jumanji,’ but she does, in fact, have an accent. That’s pretty incredible considering the multitude of voices she’s shown between those two movies. Nebula is a very monotone character while her character in ‘Jumanji’ was like a teen girl.
Jennifer Lawrence as Young Mystique
One the one had I can understand Mystique’s inner dilemma. She feels that no one will accept her for what she really is because she’s blue and scaley. They only like her when she puts on a facade. Who can’t relate to that? I’ve pretended to like football to make friends, even though I’ve only watched three games in my entire life. It’s exactly what being a teen can feel like.
Where that falls apart is that other people can’t literally change themselves. Who cares if no one likes your blue and scaley self if you can literally look like anyone. She can be whoever she wants. I have to pretend to like football. I’d kill to actually like it. Ultimately it comes down to the fact that I actually dig the blue skin and scales, so I have no sympathy for her.
Jennifer Lawrence Off Screen
I feel like Jennifer Lawrence falls in and out of being America’s sweetheart, but for me, she’s always number one. I love her late night talk show antics, and the stories of her getting too drunk at Hollywood parties. I can relate to her attitude. She’s this big star, but she can’t help but be a goofy f-up who says stupid things sometimes. LIke the time she laughed in an interview about destroying some sacred Hawaiian rocks. Who hasn’t done that while drunk in Hawaii?
I have a lot of respect for her for how she handled her nude photo leak. That’s such a violating experience that it could cause many to lose their mind. She acted strong about it and reclaimed her sexuality with the movie ‘Red Sparrow.’ Whether you like the movie or not, it was a great experience for her according to interview. You go girl.
Leslie Bibb as Christine Everhart
Christine Everhart was the love interest of Tony Stark before Pepper Potts. Sort of. She’s lower down on the list because she’s not the biggest character, though she plays a big part in the Iron Man movies. If you’re looking for a story on someone like Tony Stark, being a hot reporter will work to your advantage. He’s way too horny and cocky not to give away information just to get some. Does that make him somewhat of a prostitute? Yes, absolutely. Rich people can do whatever they want. Just look at Donald Trump.
I wonder if there are fans out there saying, “I really hope Christine Everhart makes an appearance in ‘Infinity War.’ They’re all made that there isn’t a Christine Everhart action figure. Don’t bother looking it up. I just did and couldn’t find one.
Leslie Bibb Off Screen
I’ve loved Leslie Bibb ever since she was on ‘Popular’ back in 1999. She was just a baby back then in some respects. For years she’s been the go-to funny wife. Any character who needs a hot, but funny wife, she’s the one they call. ‘Talladega Nights’ is one prime example. Watch that movie and tell me that Leslie Bibb isn’t just the best. She can throw down with the comedy greats like John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell.
Hollywood is quite crazy though. One day Leslie Bibb was playing the popular highschool girl, and the next day she was playing the wife/mom. Casting agents either think you’re 16 or 40. There’s no in between. Actually, an agent once told me I was in the in between, which just meant that I was uncastable.
Cate Blanchett as Hela
What is it about Thor that makes for the best Marvel movie villains? Loki is hands down within the top three next to Hela and Killmonger. He’s relatable, while also being completely unrelatable. We can all understand how upsetting it is to have father issues, but also, he’s a complete maniac who likes hurting people. Hela is awesome just because she’s super powerful and badass. Not that Loki isn’t, but Hela walks in a room and you think, “well, I’m dead.”
Hela is literally the Goddess of death and the executioner of Asgard. That’s not a position you get by having a kind heart. I’d be a terrible executioner. I’d feel so bad about killing people that I’d do it really gently, which is only worse. What happens when you get fired as an executioner? Are you executed?
Cate Blanchett Off Screen
Cate Blanchett is one of those actresses that once you hear she’s in a movie, you just assume it’ll be an Oscar winner. Whatever magic juice she possesses, it creates Oscars. It could even be an Oscar for something obscure like sound design, but the film will still get it because of her. She’s in both Marvel and The Lord of the Rings series, so even the nerds can appreciate her.
A funny role that Cate Blanchett has on her resume is ‘Hot Fuzz.’ That may surprise you because you don’t actually see her face in the movie. She plays Simon Pegg’s ex-girlfriend who is on the job as a crime scene cleanup worker. He has a full break up scene with her, all while you can’t even see her expression. That kind of casting will always be funny to me.
Pom Klementieff as Mantis
Mantis’ story is a bit different in the ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ movie than it is in the comics, but isn’t that true for pretty much all of the superheroes? Just ask the X-Men. Who even knows what comic book those movies think they are following at this point. In the film, she plays Ego’s sidekick/nap helper. She can use empathic powers to make him fall asleep. I guess being an all powerful god isn’t great for your sleep.
I’d love to have that power. I’d constantly be touching people to put them in a good mood. You know what that means? Dance party wherever I go. Happy people are always down to dance. Once I got bored of doing that I’d probably make people depressed just for laughs. I know, if I was in a Marvel movie I’d be a villain. No shocker there.
Pom Klementieff Off Screen
Pom Klementieff is a Canadian actress whose birthday is one year and one day apart from me. That’s a very interesting fact for me, but not for anyone else. The good thing is I get to decide what facts I put in here. I could even use this time to tell you that the heart of a shrimp is located in its head. I bet you didn’t know that, and now you’re glad that you do.
While looking at her IMDB page I noticed she was in ‘Old Boy.’ If you’re a Korean movie fan, ‘Old Boy’ is already on your radar. It’s amazing. It’s about a man who is locked in a room for fifteen years, and then mysterious let go, so he goes out in search for his captors. The movie is twisted, but I won’t tell you why. Unfortunately, Pom is in the remake, which isn’t quite as good. Start with the original, then go check out Pom.